Last month, we talked about learned helplessness how too many of us have been conditioned to believe our efforts don’t matter. We introduced a simple but powerful intake activity: writing with your non-dominant hand. That discomfort? That unfamiliar struggle? That’s what growth feels like.
This month, we’re building on that by talking about the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
A lot of times, we meet our participants just after they’ve come home from incarceration. When we ask, “What do you want to do?” most will respond with, “I just don’t want to come back here.”
Language reveals and conceals, and that response is powerfully revealing. It reveals something important about where they’re looking: backward.
They’re focused on avoiding the past, not building the future. And for many, that’s not because they lack ambition it’s because they’ve forgotten how to dream. Learned helplessness has taught them that dreaming is dangerous, even foolish. So, they settle for survival instead of vision.
The Vision/Reality Exercise
At Legendary Legacies, during intake, we walk participants through an activity where they define two things:
1. Their vision: What they want for their life.
2. Their current reality: Where things stand right now.
When you write it down, you must be as detailed as possible. Sounds simple, right?
Here’s what usually happens:
A participant says his vision is to “get a job” “be a good father,” “make real money,” or “start a business.”
But his current reality?
He’s caught in a court case. He’s beefing with his baby’s mother. He’s living with two other families in one apartment. And he’s got trust issues that make every conversation feel like a fight.
That’s real.
And we don’t shame it. We name it. Because until you see both sides clearly, you’ll stay stuck in between. You won’t choose to change until the pain of staying the same, is greater than the pain of change. The tension between a vision and current reality is necessary in order for movement to be possible.
Why We’re Committed to the Vision Not Just the Person
At Legendary Legacies, we say this often:
“We are not committed to the person. We are committed to the person’s vision.”
If we only commit to who someone is right now, we risk becoming accomplices to their mediocrity. Understanding where they want to go is crucial to our coaching process.
If we don’t, we risk enabling patterns that keep them stuck. And that’s not why we’re here.
We’re not in this work to maintain comfort. We’re in it to create legendary change and that means we are unapologetically committed to who our participants say they want to become.
That kind of commitment is costly.
It means we will tell the truth when it’s uncomfortable.
It means we will challenge when it would be easier to coast.
And sometimes, in doing this it can put the relationship at risk.
But here’s the truth:
You only know how strong a relationship is when it gets tested.
The relationship is a lever for the transformation. The quality of the relationship is the intervention.
We will always show up in love. And love without challenge isn’t love it’s permission to stay small.
So when we walk alongside someone, it’s not to accept where they are.
It’s to walk with them toward where they said they wanted to go.
Bridging the Gap: Courage, Not Perfection
The space between vision and reality isn’t meant to discourage you it’s meant to call you forward.
If you’re brave enough to look at both sides with clear eyes, you’ll start to build the bridge between them.
That bridge is made up of:
• Small daily wins
• Honest self-inventory
• New thoughts and habits
• People who won’t let you quit on yourself
Your current reality might be complicated. But it is not permanent.
It is not a sentence it’s a season.
And your vision? That’s the blueprint we build from.
Reflection Questions:
• Have you written your personal vision lately?
• What’s one piece of your current reality that doesn’t line up?
• What’s one move you can make this week to bring them closer?
Next Month:
Finding Your Why: The Difference Between Being Motivated and Being Moved
Until then,
Stay Legendary.
Ron Waddell
Founder, Coach, Brother in the Work
